Food For the deceased

Rule: If the family of the deceased invite guest for food on the third or the fortieth day then it is a bad Bid'at and is not allowed, because as per Shariat to invite guest for food is done on a happy occasion not on a sad occasion, however if you feed the poor and the needy then it is better [Fatahul Qadir]. Money from the goods of the deceased use to make food for the third day etc. is not allowed, once the goods have been distributed then if someone wishes to contribute then this is all right [Khaniya etc.]. it is a good thing if the neighbours or distant relatives bring food for the family of the deceased day and night and comfort them and make them eat [Radd-ul-Mohtar, Bahar]. Rule: The food that is sent for the family of the deceased should only be eaten by the family and excess food should not be sent, as for others to eat this is not allowed [Bahar-e-Shariat] and to send food for the first day is Sunnat and after this is Makrooh [Alamgiri, Bahar].

Moaning and Wailing for the dead

To scream and wail and perform lamentation about the deceased in a gathering is Haram and the same way to scream and shout the forthcoming difficulties is also Haram [Johra, Nera].

Rule: To rip your clothes, rub your face, undo the hair, to beat your head, to beat your chest are all methods of illiteracy and are all Haram [Alamgiri]. It is quoted in the Hadith that those who hit their face or rip their clothes and scream illiterate words are not with me [Bukhari, Muslim]. It is quoted in another Hadith that those who beat their head and scream out and rip their clothes, I am unhappy with them.

Rule: It is not permissible to cry with sound but if no sound is heard then there is no harm because to cry like this is proven for the Holy Prophet because at the passing away of his son the Holy Prophet had tears in his eyes and he stated that Allah does not punish for tears from the eyes or sorrow in the heart, however, he punishes due to the sound of the mouth nor does He perform mercy and because of those who cry loudly the deceased feels pain and also cries [Johra, Bahar, Bukhari, Muslim]. Sorrow - It is not permissible to perform sorrow for more than three days, however, the wife at the passing away of her husband performs sorrow for four months and ten days [Bukhari, Muslim].

Rule: Those who remain patient during times of difficulty obtain two lots of reward, one for being patient and the other for the difficulty and those who don't remain patient and scream etc. lose both rewards [Radd-ul-Mohtar]. It is quoted in the Hadith Sharif that when a Muslim man or woman are fronted with difficulty then when remembering it pray 'inna lillahi Wa inna ilaihi Raji'oon' even if plenty of time has passed since the difficulty as Allah gives new reward and the reward is the same as that given at the initial time of difficulty.

Ta'ziyyat (Comfort and sorrow)

Ta'ziyyat means to pray that Allah forgives the deceased and protects them with His mercy and gives the family strength and patience and reward them for suffering. The Holy Prophet performed Ta'ziyyat in these words 'Lillahi Maa Akhaza Wa Aa'taa Wa Kullu Shay'in indahoo Bi aJalim Musammaa' It belongs to Allah and He has taken it back and everything to Him has it's fixed time" [Alamgiri etc.]

Rule: It is Mustahhab to perform Ta'ziyyat to all the relatives of the deceased, small, large, male, female, however, for the females only their Mahrams perform Ta'ziyyat [Alamgiri, Bahar].